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        From adolescent I was impelled by the search of understanding the world and myself. Until adolescence I half accepted constrained the Christian concepts that were taught me and the morals transmitted by the family and for the atmosphere of the time. When beginning to see the world with my own eyes, a little unconsciously I hugged the new effective religion at that time; its name is Science. I began to see that there were people that saw the world in different ways. There was not God need any or religious faiths to explain the world. God and faiths were things for the poor minded; human Science was perfectly capable to unmask all the mysteries of life. What was not still acquainted it would be known some further day. There was a more powerful god than any god; its name was reason. The perfect use of reason through the scientific method was the only and better tool to unmask and to solve all and any problem. It was just a matter of time.

        It was a type of liberation. Free from that demanding God, who watched the dirty things that I did, free from the sin, from the fear of the hell and from the annoying obligations imposed by religion. Proud I passed seeing me as a new confident and capable person, I was not more that fool that believed in what those poor inferior beings believed. I saw me as a man of science, capable to unmask the secrets of the world. It was just a matter of time.

        I began choosing the philosophers and their philosophies. Those should know how they were the things. I dove in Plato and Aristotle, I went by Schopenhauer, Kant and Spinoza and other and I ended disappointed. They vastly complicated things and they didn't arrive to anything definitive. I was enchanted with Democritus and later on with Hegel and Engels, pure materialistic. After all the so proud human being didn't pass of a developed monkey, as it affirmed Darwin.

        At that time the English writer Rudyard Kipling was very popular. Its poem IF circulated among youths.

        I remember to read it and to examine it carefully with a friend and we agreed that was a marvel.

        How good it would be if we could become men like that!

        To be a Man with capital M it was just necessary to be strong, intrepid, courageous, persistent, fighter, daring, victorious, audacious, humble, natural, patient and more other qualities reserved to the true men.

        Add to this the illustration of the male hero shown by the movies: cold, insensitive, audacious, strong, aggressive, ruler, glorious, fighter, didn't show feelings, or what our parents and masters told us: show you are a man, show why you use pants, man doesn't cry, face, win, don't lose courage.

        I could not notice that what was we shown it was just a role to be represented, the ancestral primitive warrior's modernized role. To become a man it was necessary to learn well represents that role. Who didn't do it ran the risk of being seen as a sissy boy, like the women that could not notice that a role was also indicated for them for its time. To be woman it was necessary that she learned to well live the role of docile, receptive, sensitive, obedient, fragile, homelike, passive, etc.

        Unconsciously, as so many, I embarked in a holed canoe. Certainly I didn't see me as possessor of those such admirable characteristics. I practiced oar, soccer, swimming and athletics not because they could be factors of health but because I could become strong, to stand out and to attract girls attention. Anything different from today youths that spent great efforts threshing in academies, practicing dangerous sports, getting dressed in the fashion, with the almost only purpose of developing an attractive image for the opposite sex.

        I studied eagerly and I read intensely not so much for best to qualify me to make a living but mainly to develop a capacity self-image, I needed to prove to me, to my parents and the other ones that I was truly capable. I needed to prove to myself and to the other ones that I was possessor of those qualities that define a true man.

        Actually I noticed me very shy. I panicked when in contact with girls or with people that I considered superiors. I avoided those contacts; they could notice my fragilities. When that was inevitable I sought in all the ways to show a positive image mirroring in that man model with M that intended to be one day. It cost a great amount of effort not to reveal what I truly felt, to show what I wanted to be and actually I was not.

        Day after day, month after month, year after year of efforts in not revealing to the other ones and myself what I truly felt they took inexorably to total insensibility. Without noticing it I ended up getting to almost live to the perfection that stupid role that had imposed me.

        Feelings’ repression demands its own price. During more or less thirty years I acted as a robot. Authoritarian, macho, racist, insensitive, people manipulator, cold, solitary, a tear at least never sprang from my eyes again. Parallel, to every week, I got to live until two following days with hideous headaches without a minute of relief. Analgesic any produced the minimum effect. It is headache, the doctors said, it doesn't have cure.

        Perhaps all that has contributed so that I accepted to participate, in the company where I worked, of groups of sensibility training for executives and to proceed of doing psychoanalysis and of participating in a psychodrama group.

        In a particular psychodrama session, driven by a wonderful psychologist called Pierre Weil, I saw myself walking in wheel for the room proceeded by the ten or twelve people of the group while I revived and I talked about an episode of my childhood where I had been abandoned by my father in a beach and that was until that moment totally buried in my unconscious. It was a fantastic explosion of contradictory feelings where all the participants cried; therefore each one of them should also have tried feelings of similar rejection. The immense hate that felt for my father that I also saw as authoritarian, macho and racist and the great love that I felt also for that same man were revealed in that episode where feelings so conflictive came to float. In some minutes I could spill all the tears that had not been capable along thirty years.

        Starting from that day my headache disappeared as magic. I think that all that contributed so I could accept to participate of a spiritual retreat of three days called Cursillo, practiced by the Catholic Church for re-drive the lost sheep to Church. There I found again the God of my childhood. A perfect Godfather that could hug and to forgive in my own imperfect father's place that could never hug and to forgive because he had already died.

        Before I saw people as objects to manipulate, from there I began to see them as the same as me, human beings with the same problems.

        At that night I had a dream.

        At the same time that saw me as the man in the table that needed to decide and that looked at with tenderness for that sad boy, I saw me as the boy that looked at for a man that seemed Jesus as a kind and understanding father that smiled at me and for who I also smiled through the tears.

        The Dutchman perhaps represented that demanding and cold father that I had forever killed.

        The oldest boy perhaps went a representation of myself very shut and not very talkative like me used to be.

        Days later another dream.

                In a great living room of a very rich palace. I was at the same time two young people. A richly dress, with a cavalier air, seemed a prince and the another with simple, humble clothes, a serene and calm air. Physically we were exactly the same. We hugged each other as in a farewell. The prince was standing back slowly, he left the living room and he disappeared of my view. I felt well contemplating the beauty and the wealth of that living room where I was.

        I understood that the dream expressed a reality, I was a divided person, I tried to show a blinding image but I preferred to be just what I truly was, just a simple person, just a human being any, surrounded of beauty and of a very larger wealth, the world to my turn.

        The following years I wrapped up with plenty of enthusiasm in two movements of the Church, the Charismatic Renewal and Our Lady's Teams.

        The Renewal appeared in United States at the end of the sixties and it proposed a spiritual renewal for the reviving of practices of the Christian primitive Church in its first years. It arrived at Brazil in the seventies. They were born countless prayer groups that met every week, they prayed a lot, they sang, they read and they meditated the Gospel. To the likeness than it had already happened at the Pentecostals Churches, they began showing in lot of people them called charismatic talents referred by S. Paul in its time. People appeared capable to cure for the prayer, people capable to notice traumatic existences of the people's childhood that ignored them and they were cured of certain evils, people with prophecy talents and others. There was a particularly intriguing one called talent of languages that caused a lot of polemic. Suddenly a person starts to speak German or Hebrew without never to have had contact with those languages. It appeared commonly under the form of the spontaneous emission of a succession of words without any sense, a true racket that revealed a type of praise to God and that brought a great well being. In the prayer groups it happened of many people to pray at the same time in languages and that strange way to pray it ended transforming in chorus in a wonderful song that until it could take to ecstasy. It reminded me an authentic "spiritual" of the American blacks sprouting in total spontaneity. For the Protestants the blossoming of the talent of languages was the confirmation that the person had been baptized in Spirit. This meant an interior renewal; it indicates a new creature's birth, a new one Christian closer of God.

        Those and other kindred manifestations I always thought very similar to those mentioned in Parapsychology, in Spiritualism and in said primitive religions of African origin as Macomb and Candomble.

        Weekend retreats called Prayer Experience they happened. Two days of prayers, songs, lectures, meditations, study of the Bible, prayer groups and one that woke up my deep interest, called interior cure prayer. After 2 or 3 of those retreats when I participated animated and dazzled with that new world for me, I began to collaborate in successive retreats as a "servant", as they were called the people that helped in retreats accomplishment.

        I reproduce ahead something that I wrote after having lived a strange experience in one of those first retreats that I participated.

        In one moment called "garden" we came out individually to meditate after a lecture in the retreat house gardens. "Look first for Kingdom of the Skies and everything the more it will be you given by increment" it was the theme for the meditation. I had abandoned there was little time my atheist condition and they had taught me that Kingdom of the Skies was the kingdom of love. The Good News, Jesus' Gospel was that. Kingdom of the Skies is close, actually it is inside you. Kingdom appears when it appears love, when people love, like the Trinitarian love. Did I wonder, what is love actually? how we truly love? I knew the intellectual definition of love as total surrender of itself to the other, disinterested donation of himself, to do the good without any own interest, but I felt totally unable to accomplish that love. Whenever I tried to do something good for somebody I noticed in me some type of selfish motivation. I noticed that people made charity for Christian duty, to improve its self-image or to gain the sky. Nothing of that satisfied me, I wanted to try that true love. How to look for a Kingdom that neither I know exactly what it is, which will only be found if we turn ourselves capable to love? And how is it looked for? What is need to do? With those things rotating in my head I came out walking slowly for the garden.

        Half turned off of the reality, I came across a small bush and without noticing how, suddenly I became that small plant. My own "me" as that had disappeared and I "was" in some way that plant. It had little leaves and one only simple flower. I saw a bee to penetrate the flower and of it to remove some nectar. A strong light as that exploded in my mind and then I understood. It was an interior experience of some seconds, spontaneous and wonderful. A grace of God it would say a Christian, an interior experience it would say an atheist, a hallucination would say a psychiatrist.

        Later on I wrote a story, a little poetic, that found it could be shared.

        A simple interior experience that showed me the value of spontaneity. The true life could only be lived by spontaneity. So I understood what Jesus wanted to say when he affirmed "need to born again and to become as a child to enter the Kingdom of the Skies". When children we are quite spontaneous, as we grew our ingenuousness and our spontaneity they are going disappearing and being substituted by assuming and living different roles. It was plenty clear for me that we were slaves of playing roles, all we were tied to be always representing the roles that we accepted to represent. I didn't know any way that it allowed to total freedom, unless maybe some attenuation by the interior cure.

        I also noticed that the spontaneity was not something that it could seek or to be obtained through any mean or a new role that it could also be represented. I accepted intellectually that was necessary to born again, to be born again and to become an adult the same to a child. It was totally impossible for me to imagine that could have a mean of arriving to that.

        That sad plant showed me that initially it lived the role of a person' that was considered happy because it possessed so much things. It noticed that that didn't satisfy it. It tried to live a new role, which needed to help the other ones for it to be accomplished. It was a disaster. It only got to enjoy moments of an authentic life when it was spontaneous; when it was freed of any pulse provoked by the demands of the roles that it had learned how to represent.

        I said above that the prayer of interior cure that took place in those retreats deeply woke up my interest.

        Actually I walked disappointed with psychological therapies and psychoanalysis. It cost a lot of money, it demand a lot of effort, it was very delay and very small the results. That episode when I could remember a traumatic event when I had some few years of age it bestirred me. I felt that the simple fact of to pull up it of the unconscious and to bring it to the conscience produced great results but the process up to that point to arrive was complicated, delayed and it cost a lot of money and effort.

        The interior cure for the prayer seemed to be a great way to reach similar results to a very low cost in effort, time and mainly money. The prayer experience was quite accessible to people's more poor layers.

        It was done when most of the participants, after a lot of lectures, many relaxing songs, a lot of prayers and a lot of meditation, already met free from day by day tensions and of mind considerably unarmed. It consisted of a small explanation followed by some soft songs placing the participants in an atmosphere of great peace and peacefulness. The person that drove to proceed he made a long prayer with plenty of softness beginning in the moments when the parents accomplished the sexual relationship that would create a new human being illustrating with varied generating possibilities of possible traumas. It was admitted, for example, hypotheses of them not to want children, of having been an occasional relationship without love between them, of the relationship to have been violent or against mother's will, of there being pregnancy fear, etc. Continuing for several phases of the development from the conception to the adult life. He asked repeated times to God to eliminate through its Spirit all and any hurt caused by those possible traumatic events and that removed the effects by them left.

        When there was somebody that had the talent of Science, whenever he noticed in its interior the manifestation of a painful event that certainly it came from some of the participants, he announced the fact in little words. A participant generally recognized the event and a lot of cures happened that way.

        There were other ways to cure for the payer. In those same retreats, the person that tried to be cured of something was sat down in a chair, he was asked of what afflicted him and a small group of 4 or 5 people touched him and they prayed begging God to cure him.

        I went witness and I knew about numberless cures for the prayer from small relationship problems to cancer or incurable Chagas disease.

        People that possess the talent of Science or the talent of cure that pray directly for them cure a lot of people. There are cases even of people that cure by telephone. If there still is not, I think that shortly can have who cures for the prayer through Internet.

        In all those cases it is always believed that the cure results of God's action. When the cure doesn't happen, what is also quite common, they say that God has its own roads and that doesn't compete to the poor human being to want to judge Him. They are the unfathomable mysteries of God's will.

        Among Catholics mainly the faith on God's action in cure is not so decisive and not daring to abandon the medicines or the medical treatments they are limited to ask God to guide its doctors or bless the medicines. In certain means the faith is so big that the sick ones abandon medical treatments and medicines and they finish cured or they dye.

        It is evident that this type of cure is hindered to all that that don't believe in God. Who wants has to be placed on doctors' hand or on several alternative medicines that have by there.

        What is not very evident it is the fantastic war that is processed in everything that links with the human health. The traditional medicine got through the times to firm as only acceptable and true for force of laws. The laws establish that is only valid the medicine that has scientific approval. We created a god that we gave the name of Science and everything has to pass for its sieve under heavy sanctions penalty,

        It got like this to create a climate of continuous war and without rest to whole and any attempt of to cure diseases by methods not approved by the Science.

        A sad example is Psychology. It comes at so much time spending considerable efforts to prove that leans on in Science that became a complete mess. Say what they say, Psychology today is a complete chaos, so many are the conflict ramifications it reveals. Mainly for the insane desire of scientific approval.

        The own current medicine, in spite of its formidable and undeniable accomplishments, reveals a continuous and more and more intense belligerency state with everything that concerns health. The governments took the responsibility for the health of the populations. Health insurance plans were disseminated and ended, due to its great economic power, doing the doctors true servants. The makers of medicines became powerful economically gigantic multinationals of research and economic exploration. The enormous people concentrations in city periphery forces to formidable expenditures in financial resources for basic sanitary and clinics for health. Forgers of medicines flood the markets. Each one of those combats the other ones with whole forces they possess; an immense war where the patients are the first ones to be forgotten. The population immense majority doesn't have access to medicines and treatments that to every day are becoming more sophisticated and more expensive. The awaiting lines and the disagreements in what concern to organs transplants they are a chapter more of that war, more and more intransigent. The information on health, feeding or medicines disclosed by the media are commonly contradictory and they cause larger confusions.

        What wants to stand out starting from that sterile talking and plenty known is the universal attitude that serves as base to whole and any controversy not only in what concerns health but also to whole and any problem that harms the common well being. I refer the "warrior's" basic and fundamental attitude that was we taught to represent and that is behind all those disputes.

        In the beginning of our human evolution, perhaps that warrior attitude warrior has been responsible for the enormous might that we acquired on the nature and on the own development of current human conscience. But, looking at the true chaos we arrived now as result of that warrior role that we learned so well to represent, where we only know how to combat the effects or the symptoms of the problems, I think it arrived the hour of removing that uncomfortable and ineffective vestment and seek the causes, what truly provokes the human problems, not for also to combat them as we are habituated to do but to pass to truly work with them in an effective way and healthy.

        I read some little time ago an eminent researcher's declarations that in the future the doctors no more will prescribe medicines but victuals specifically indicated for the cure of diseases. That can become even preventive medicine but not. Nothing else than more confusion, who can be know those victuals they won't be polluted with agriculture-toxins or if they are products of genetic engineering, subject to the same war in process?

        The intrepid warriors' role that is we taught to represent it is so powerful that until women noticing that the role to them destined it was inadequate they decided to enter in the arena and through the feminist movements of woman's liberation they also began to learn to live the warriors' role there are centuries imposed to men.

        It can seem persistence or ingenuousness but I believe that is in this such little acceptable fact resides the first root that explains why we were capable to build this chaotic and insane world where we live, to believe that we need to be warriors to make a living. By this we are impeded even of noticing that not even that we can "be", we can just "represent" the role defined for the warrior. Until what we call to win in life, to be a winner, it doesn't pass of illusion. We are eternal losers because we will never get to live an authentic life; we just represented as theater actors. We are just hypocritical not very conscious of our hypocrisy.

        It is so ingrained that warrior behavior that we believe the diseases should be attacked and eliminated. In spite of knowing very well that the way as we attack virus and bacillus’s they more and more become stronger and resistant to our attacks. There is also a not very well-known or disclosed aspect of looking at our own disease as an enemy to be combated and destroyed. If we verified the presence of a cancer inside our own body we are taught to see it as an enemy that comes from outside to be combated and destroyed. To the first view it seems to be insanity to see it in another way, for example as a friend that settled in us and that needs to be loved and invited leaving us for our well-being because it is part and it lives in our own body and that our warrior attitude unchains a ferocious war where both contenders will mutually be destroyed.

        If we could believe in this, immediately we would give some step in direction of our own interior transformation because, wanting or not, each one of us is equally responsible for the diseases that we acquired and for the world that we built, because everything that we do has origin in our inward. All us we want to reform the world but nobody at least thinks of reforming himself. After all, the world can only be reformed if the men that it composes they be reformed. Every disease can be eradicated if we find the remote causes that originated them and those causes are not found outside but inside each one of us. Until I could go beyond, if all we changed abandoning the representation of warriors' roles that only know how to kill and to destroy to win and we lived what we just are, human beings living together, we would not have any need to worry ourselves with the causes of the diseases, they would stop provoking problems, we would be immune to them. There would be a new way to live without having to represent the roles invented by our ancestral ones and that could make us immune to the diseases.

        It seems insanity! Can to leave being always representing roles become us immune to the diseases?

        I believe sincerely that yes. If not, let us see.

        Which is the more coveted role in our days?

        To obtain success. To be well succeeded in life. To live as they live those well succeeded ones. To live the roles that the ones that obtains success live. Success under countless forms, but always success, to be rich, to get fame, to get power, to obtain personal accomplishment, to obtain economic safety, to constitute a happy family, to reach happiness, to win or to stand out somehow.

        What are those goals anything else than roles to be represented? We want to live the role of rich, famous, accomplished, happy, safe, etc. we don't like to be always representing the simple human beings roles that live together with the other ones and we spoil our mental and physical health in an insane fight to live a role that we believe more important. In that fight without truce the minimum we get it is the stress that makes way for countless other diseases. Is it not the century disease?

        We became extremely skilled in discovering a thousand forms to prevent and to eliminate diseases but we don't at least give a step to modify our own way to live life that could do we don't have more need to prevent them or to combat them.

        Ours idolized Science discovered the vaccines, marvels in diseases prevention. We got practically eradicated the smallpox, the poliomyelitis, the meningitis and several other but we have the Aids, difficult to deal new tuberculosis forms, the Ebola and some suicidal viruses that kill in few days.

        It is also our same idolized Science, that attributed gratuitously for only expert's of humanity's destinies health right supported by governments’ laws that for its time also gratuitously it attributes for the right of driving humanity's destinies, which it impedes the development of alternative therapies that could be accessible to all the layers of the populations through subtle maneuvers and not to some few privileged ones.

        Everything because we are also solidly arrested to another role type that we impose ourselves to represent that don't covet but we at least got to admit that is nothing else than a role that is we taught to represent and that some foolish ones get to give own life in its defense and many other they get to kill its fellow creatures in its name.

        I refer to the roles of Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Jew, Arabic, Brazilian, American, Spanish, English, atheist, Eskimo, white, yellow, black and thousands ways more we classify humans.

        What difference does have among those whole ones except the roles they learned how to represent?

        I lived some moments when I was sure of being a small plant. If those moments, for a reason any, they prolonged and I left saying that I was a plant, at least I would be taken to a hospice. He became crazy, they would say. Of there in before I would have to live a new role, the role of crazy.

        To represent the role of Jew, white, Chinese, plant or homosexual it is all the same thing. To represent a role doesn't make us "to be" something different from just human beings. Will everybody agree immediately that no human being can be a plant, but who will accept just the same that also can never be a homosexual? Mainly after an important American medical society established definitively that the homosexuality is not a disease, simply because the doctors and therapists legally granted they noticed unable to cure it. I know perfectly that should be very unpleasant to somebody entitled homosexual to be seen or to see himself as somebody carrier of an incurable disease, he naturally will prefer to be seen or to see himself as being special, just different from the others, representative of a third nonexistent sex. Actually it is known for who it gives to the work of seeking that homosexuality is neither a disease nor a third sex but just a small personality disturbance, a role mistakenly assumed that has causes that can be eliminated same even if it comes to discover a hypothetical homosexuality gene.

        After all, why are we impelled, do we accept or are taught to need "to be" some thing different from just human beings? Centuries we live this way, why anybody can believe that needs to be changed? Or that can be changed? Or that can bring benefits for earth's life?

        When I began to write this I placed the title " therapies and religions " and my goal it was just to do a parallel between the cure through the religions and the cure through well-known therapies. Why? I wonder now. Why to write on those things?

        Having lived there are about 3 or 4 years ago a singular experience that radically transformed the common way that I had seen world, people and myself and feeling that the experience was good for me I was naturally impelled to try to convince other people to try to live the same experience. The same natural enthusiasm of when we attended a good film in the movies or a good play and we suggest to somebody that also attends it. We lived pleasant moments and we want that a friend or somebody we like live them too. Nothing else than a desire to share happiness. We will be happy if the friend attends the film or the play and he tells us that also liked. We will be disappointed if he didn't even wanted to go to the movies or the theater or having gone he says us that didn't like. In both cases in a certain way he rejected our proposal. It is easy to accept that he has not liked, less easy it is to accept that he was no at least disposed to go to the movies or the theater.

        I remembered now two small scenes that illustrate what I am trying to say. I like khaki (a tropical fruit) a lot. There is a long time ago in a camp of students the dessert it was khaki. There was a student that had come from a distant area that didn't know that fruit. He looked at distrusted for that fruit he finds strange and when I said that was delicious he decided to try. He tried but he didn't get to eat, "I don't understand how can you like a hideous thing as that", he exclaimed. The second scene is mine. If somebody offers me red wine I reject immediately. My father was so very fond of red wine that frequently was intoxicated, what was very constraining for me. A prejudice was formed that until today it impedes me of enjoying what is pleasant for a lot of people.

        It is very common children to reject certain victuals that don't know. Some unpleasant thing can be associated to the vision of that new food, a prejudice, and it rejects it. It doesn't know why, but even to the force it will try it.

        In all the cases it is always a prejudice any that inhibits us or it impedes us of doing certain things.

        After that singular experience, which I referred above I was impelled naturally not only to speak on it to whom found but also to begin to write on everything that had come to discover as consequence of the experience.

        Actually they were two different experiences that happened at the same time. The first went the living of a quite singular therapy; the second went the living of an experience that I repute singular although in the lack of better name I called mystic experience for the likeness with religious mystics' experiences.

        When I spoke about the therapy, with one only exception, people manifested a certain interest but they found a thousand reasons for not doing the therapy. When speaking of the mystic experience the result was almost always a discredit glance, some disdain and even pity.

        I placed what I wrote under book form, I gave to some people to read and no one at least did feedback me with any comment, positive or negative.

        Half disappointed and confused I decided to place in the Internet, that marvel of the technology that is placing people close. From some 1.500 people that up to now visited my page just about a dozen manifested interest and after sending the book I was rewarded by all them with total silence. I didn't at least receive a word in return. I didn't still get to know exactly the reason.

        As the khaki I motivated that friend to try that at first he rejected and later he decided to try I know for personal experience that what I propose can be good for other ones as it was good for me. If khaki is good for me it should be good for others. I cannot be the only to like khaki in spite of many to like not. Besides the khakis are available to who wants to savor them, nobody cannot claim author's rights on the khaki, just as I don’t claim any copyrights on the ideas that I reveal. They are just ideas, facts. If some left my head it doesn't make me owner of them. They are just as khaki available to whom wants to eat them.

        I feel an immense need to know why people refuse to say something on what I write, I need to know what they think not from necessity of receiving praises, because until I have been receiving some, but because knowing what makes people to reject what I write it will be possible to look for other ways to motivate them. I am absolutely sure that any person that disposes to try some of the proposals that I do he will pick good fruits. After all I am not placing anything to sale. Perhaps if I were selling something I would obtain the return that I seek. After all the current "consumerism" is the largest epidemic that ever poisoned over humanity.

        I can imagine some reasons why what I write is rejected.

        One is that, as direct result of those experiences, I became totally unable to say what people would like to hear, of saying only what can please them. I almost completely freed myself of the need to live the role of one that worries in showing to the other ones that he is an admirable guy and that tries by all possible means to please them so they don't do a negative image of him.

        An example. I always say that "hope" is a negative attitude and makes us stop, paralyze. For now everybody accepts without discussing that hope is a virtue, we were taught to never discourage, to always have hope, to never lose the hope. Christianity put hope among the three larger virtues. A lot of people reading what I affirm they will say "this guy is a complete idiot" and they will stop reading. Like or not, to have hope is to wait, to wait that something comes to happen one day. The hope won’t be paralyzing only if really mean that we have trust that something will happen and that we will contribute so that can happen, we won't just wait others make something in that sense. I don't despair, I know or, I am sure he will be cured, I pray so to happen, etc.

        Another is the irrational fear that people have to move, the unknown's fear, the fear of losing own identity, the fear of losing what by illusion is possessed, the fear of leaving of to be what believes to be and not to know what it will come to be, fear of the unknown, fear of becoming a strange body, only sane in an insane community or only lunatic in a healthy community.

        A third possibility derives of the similar difficulty that is had to explain to somebody which is the flavor of the khaki that he never tried. Anyone that has lived some type of mystic experience knows how the words are a faulty way to explain that experience. Only who already ate a khaki will know what somebody means when he speaks in the taste of the khaki. In the same way only who already lived a mystic experience will understand exactly what wants to say who speak on it. The maximum he can say it is, try and you will know.

        An example. During the 30 years that I lived believing that I was an atheist, it was completely impossible for me to understand how a person could believe in God. I felt a lot of pity of them and I hoped that some day their eyes would open up and they would abandon its insane faiths. During the more than 20 following years when I started to believe in God, in the same way I felt pity of those that could not believe in God. I hope that someday its eyes would open up. Only after having myself lived a mystic experience it was possible to me to understand the varied mystic experiences that had knowledge and to understand why the ones that didn't live it they don't get to understand it entirely.

        After those wanderings I retake what I began to speak well before, Our Lady's Teams.

        Having rediscovered the possibility of the existence of God, of its presence and action in our lives, I entered the movement of the Teams. This has for purpose the improvement of couples under all the aspects of family life. Small groups of couples that meet periodically with a priest's attendance. The main objective is the growth of the spirituality for the mutual help and for the accomplishment of certain duties. Several practices are used such as, daily reading of the Bible, daily meditation, daily prayer, some ascetic practices and so called Owe of Sitting down that is one moment when the couple owes to every month to do a complete evaluation of its relationship, of the relationship with the children and with the world.

        For more than twenty years I participated honest and sincerely believing that that was a great middle for the improvement of the couples, of family life and for the spiritual growth of its members, making them more and more better Christian under all the aspects. And I continue to believe that it is great for those that don't get, they don't know or they don't want to thrash other roads.

        Of the suggested practices there was one that enchanted me, daily meditation. It was the only one that it got me to dedicate without the upset of seeing as a duty, a self-imposed obligation. To meditate deeply takes to many discoveries.

        Personally I never saw myself capable to believe total and completely in whatever it may be. In the thirty years when I saw me as atheist, when I believed sincerely on God's non-existence, there was always a teeny doubt. After all so many believe in God. I could only believe in what I could understand or I considered possible. For example, I could not believe in the existence of a spiritual dimension or of spirits because I could not understand what could be a spirit. It was said that God is spirit, that the soul is spiritual; any spirit definition ends on anything that possesses characteristics, by that I could not believe in its existence. For me the Universe was constituted of matter and the human beings didn't pass of developed monkeys that were born, they lived and they died, nothing else. Its limited intelligence didn't allow answering to the enigmas of life and of Universe.

        At the same time when I lived the experiences of the Charismatic Renewal and of the Teams I also participated of Mental Control, "Silva Mind Control". It is an intensive training of deep relaxing with the purpose of reprogramming our attitudes and our way of living life and to the development of telepathic ability and others. It reveals a wide range of possibilities for the alteration of the levels of conscience states.

        What wants to enhance it is that my zeal in the prayer of Renewal interior cure, the meditation of the teams and the method of relaxing of the Mental Control melted and they began showing me that the cure could become much more efficient if done through a meditation process in a relaxing state. Three different things that could work at the same time.

        The meditation done in altered state of conscience after a total physical and mental relaxing becomes more effective. Staying conscious but practically turned off of the exterior our thoughts become clearer, the images become clearer, we remember forgotten events, the feelings become more perceptible. We felt free to fantasy; our prejudices lose its force. We can train to stay distanced from what we remind without being involved in painful feelings that certain memories raise and we see ourselves as neutral observers that to everything attend. It is as if we became children that amazed discovering a New World.

        Countless times I went witness of peoples to be partially cured of some problem for the fact of they have reminded some traumatic event of childhood that was completely buried in the unconscious. That happened in the prayer of interior cure, in the direct prayer of one or several people for the other, in Mental Control or in prayer groups. I noticed that there was a thing in common in those cases, people's absolute need to be in an altered state of conscience obtained by some relaxing way.

        Certain time the woman, of a couple friends, revealed to be very overturned by difficulties that she was getting in its relationship with her husband. She was near the despair. She accepted the offer I did her of going to my house where I would teach her to meditate in relaxing state. A second couple also accepted the offer. A small group that weekly met to meditate in depth was born like this. Other couples appeared. Some tried and soon they gave up. Some few ones persisted and they obtained promising and positive results in few weeks.

        We used a relaxing method similar to that of Mental Control and I induced them to build an imaginary place called "prayer interior sanctuary" where they would have an encounter with Jesus' picture, from where they would leave in its company for a walk through their lives going back until own conception. An imaginary Jesus would infuse them peace and safety to show them and to do them to revive scenes that could be traumatic that found. At the same time they asked God to remove and to cure all and any wound resultant of those negative events.

        Some results were surprising.

        A couple wanting to demonstrate its gratefulness to me gave me a book, "The keys of the Unconscious" by Renate Jost of Moraes, without knowing its content, just because I always used to talk about the unconscious.

        The book revealed a true atomic bomb for me. It shows the author, a psychologist, the result of its more than 15 years of clinical practice with thousands of patients of a therapy based on the direct access and conscious to the unconscious.

        I noticed clearly the likeness that there was in its methodology and what was done with those couples in a simple way.

        I discovered that ten years after that book was written the author wrote another, "The Unconscious Without Borders ", where she enlarges and develops the results of its clinical practice. Its clinic had several psychologists and several doctors practicing the therapy.

        Fantastic cures of diseases and disturbances in the physical, mental and spiritual areas are described thoroughly.

        The method is relatively simple. Ten days of sessions of one hour where the patient is trained to relax and to have direct and totally conscious access to its own unconscious and ten more with a specialized therapist's help to remove the effects of whole traumatic event from the conception. The results are simply fantastic. Cures from small depression to schizophrenia, cures even of physical diseases that the traditional medicine considers incurable. Also making way for the meticulous study of the mechanisms as all the diseases are developed, it could take to the discovery of its causes.

        Surprised in verifying that she was totally ignored by doctors and psychologists friends that I consulted I decided immediately to try the therapy in myself. More surprised I was to the knowledge that there was a wait line. One month after I underwent the therapy. I consider myself as a common person with the common problems that everybody has. The result was wonderful. It was like a renaissance.

        I need now to open a parenthesis because soon at the beginning of the relaxing training, well before the therapy properly said, something happened with me that it didn't happen with none of the other patients or with the therapists that there were, which was constituted in what I consider the largest discovery of my life, the only thing that I believe genuinely it can renew Humanity.

        I have the largest respect and admiration for any person that makes any type of effort in the sense of improving the conditions Humanity lives without looking for something for him. From a humble healer in the middle of the people that "prays" to cure somebody, even if he collects for its services, but that does it sincerely wanting the good for the other to the great scientists, political, millionaires or those "crazy" of Green Peace, since they make it the same way.

        On the other hand I believe that all the efforts and attempts accomplished in the sense of improving the conditions of life of Humanity as a whole always went and they will continue to be authentic failures while they be not made efforts to transform the human beings, each one of us in particular. The fundamental cause of whole and any problem that overturns life in earth resides inside each one. We intend to improve the whole without improving the parts it composes it.

        The maximum that got in centuries it is the change of structures. Did we change the old totalitarianism of religions and of kings for the current democratic capitalism and what got? The people just changed roles, the play continues the same, and the more forts continue taking advantage of the weakest. Who can more cries less.

        The maximum that got to do it is to promulgate new laws in the attempt of solving problems. What are the laws anything else than manners of behavior, at the end new roles to be represented?

        The drugs are the social cancers of present time. What do we make? What we only know how to do with any problem, war. We declare war to the drugs. We make laws that forbid the production, the use and the traffic of drugs. The prohibition makes the price to reach high levels. An incentive for anyone who wants to make easy money. The traffickers promote its use. The drug addicts rob and they assault to get money to sustain the addiction. The drug addicts that don't pay are killed. Policemen and traffickers are killed in the attempts of arresting them. Civilians are killed in the combats. Mountains of money are worn-out in campaigns against the use of drugs, in cashes policemen's increase, in the construction and maintenance of new prisons or in drug addicts treatment. The result is always the same: the use of the drug increases.

        Try to say to a couple that intends to have children that its children can never reveal the smallest pulse to drugs if them before to have children they make a therapy as that one mentioned above. Certainly they won't believe that that is possible. Even if you are disposed to pay all the expenses and deal for they don't have the smallest difficulty in relation to its possible objections, the final answer unavoidably will be a big "no".

        Even if its children are still small this it is real and possible. In certain cases until they can be freed easily of the addiction if they are already addicted. Don't believe, is it not?

        Certainly it is very difficult to believe that there is a therapy that not only it can cure what undergoes it but at the same time to cure its ascendance’s and descendants from certain disease or of its tendency in acquiring it.

        Little time ago, just for curiosity, I looked for the word "therapy" in Internet. They are not counted in dozens or hundreds the existent methods of therapies but to the thousands! Thousands of sites proposing different therapies. How to believe that there is one that can make what I am saying?

        But that therapy exists, thousands of people are being cured of varied types of disturbances and diseases. The addiction is just one of them. Any addicted in drugs can be free of the use of drugs in three weeks, if wants it. This is the fundamental condition, to want, the rest therapy does. The psychological causes that drive to the use of drugs they will be eliminated, it will just remain the biological chemical dependence.

        Before speaking on what I consider the largest discovery of my life, which I see as only possibility of truly to remove humanity from the mire where it meets, I feel to need to do some reference to other therapy forms that I also consider quite valid, infinitely faster and efficient than the traditional therapies or the proportionate ones for any religions.

        One of them is "Grof Transpersonal Training" also known as Holotropic Breathwork of Stanislav Grof. Grof, a European psychiatrist that lives in United States, began working with the use of LSD as access vehicle to the unconscious and he ended up developing a method without the use of drugs. I only know its method through literature, by that I cannot be very accurate. Breathing techniques, music and perhaps some specific orientation of the psychotherapist makes the access to the unconscious. The contents of the unconscious are revealed through a type of regression that could reach until so called last lives. A great importance is given to experiences during gestation and birth. The patients attend and they revive traumatic scenes of that period and for the continued repetition of that scenes and with some collaboration of the therapist it seems that get to calm the effects of the strong emotions to them related and the cure happens. I didn't find any specific methodology driven for the cure of diseases, as in the TIP therapy of Renate that it is addressed exclusively to the cure, it seems that a lot of things remain in the dependence of the therapist's interpretations. Any way, I think to be very positive the fact of its method to facilitate the investigation of the "mysteries" of the Universe from its creation or from the Big Bang, for whole human being fact to have access potential to everything that happened or it happens in the Universe. It is the base of the concept of Holography, each part it contains the whole.

        The second is the Therapy of Last Lives developed by the American psychologist Morris Netherton. It is also a cure process through regression. Some facts hinder the acceptance of that method. One of those it is that as he speeches in past lives, soon is ended that is tied up to the faith in reincarnation. Who don’t accept the reincarnation it is immediately taken to reject the proposal. Actually there is not any need of believing in reincarnation. The fact of a patient one to revive a scene of a person's life that lived to 100 or 500 years ago and that believes to have been him same that lived the scene anything has there to be with reincarnation. It is just a result of a psychological phenomenon of identification for the ones that they don't believe in reincarnation. The own author discards the need to believe in reincarnation. The second fact is that certain people just seek that therapy for they want to discover that in another lives they were important or prominent people. A third fact is that hypnosis is also used to make regression and the methods by hypnosis they are not well accepted.

        The undeniable fact is that cure fast and effective they are obtained

        The spiritualists believe to be necessary to live several lives as a process of spiritual purification that takes to spiritual improvement. The Christians believe that spiritual improvement is made in an only life. One and others have its own ways to see the cure. The therapy of last lives uses the fact of to revive similar traumatic scenes that they were lived by people of the past as middle for the cure of diseases. A spiritualist that to hear to speak in therapy of last lives will probably become shaky in seeing its sublime faiths being used for such prosaic ends. A Christian will flee as the devil of the cross. God frees me... last lives? Reincarnation? Spiritualism? Demon’s things!

        There is a fact that would like to enhance, the common fact of we reject everything that can collide with what we believe, with our current faiths. Why we reject? Why do we stay so solidly seized to what we believe? After all to believe in some thing is just the way as we see that thing. Anyone can see it in a different way. Any event can change the way we see certain things.

        I think that everything links there to the self-image and the safety implicit.

        All that that places in himself a label that identifies him as Christian, spiritualist, Buddhist, socialist, atheist, democratic, communist or other thing any feels safe because he can transit safely because nobody of its fellows can accuse him of being another thing. Feel safe also because he believes to possess the truth, he sees to the other ones as some poor guys that don't get to see a span before their noses. Like this to label, even if he doesn't notice it, puts under an obligation to live the role established for that identity that hugged under penalty of feeling incoherent. He has the unshaken hope that some day everyone will become what he thinks to be and everybody will forever be happy. He will do everything to convince them to hug its faiths, being these faiths religious, politics or morals. Until he can sacrifice its own life in defense of what he calls its high ideals.

        Having lived that experience I referred, a simple interior experience in an also simple state of alteration of conscience that I called "mystic" experience, I went by a period when I became surprised for seeing to drop for earth one by one, in a totally spontaneous way and inevitable, practically everything that I had believed before with total honesty.

        One of the things that more it surprised me it went to discover that we live roles, we don't live genuinely as the only thing that we can really be, that is, just human beings with immense limitations. We assume roles or we accept those that are we imposed and we were always playing those roles without noticing. As everyone, I always accepted as true values those two old aphorisms: "know yourself" and " it is necessary to accept the other ones like they are". I was astonished when I noticed that to know himself it just means to know the infinity of roles that we got to represent and that to know the other or to accept him like he is it is also an impossibility because we would have to know the infinity of roles that the other learned to play.

        We can only discover what we are or what the others are when we can really accept that nothing we can be besides just human beings, men or women, nothing else. Everything the more they are just labels that we labeled ourselves that define the roles that we need to play.

        I know that is very difficult to accept what I am saying, as difficult as to know the taste of the khaki without trying it. That is one more of a lot of reasons why we reject what collides with our faiths.

        The same way my religious faiths, which I believed so solid, they tumbled as a castle of cards to the wind.

        It became impossible for me, for example, to continue believing that that man called Jesus was also the own God-creator. Not because I had assumed the atheist role or of free-thinker role, but simply for verifying that a human being cannot be God so much as a stone cannot be an elephant for the own definition that a priori are given to those things. We believe ourselves capable ones of defining things, of saying what they are, we define them in a certain way saying that are different and at the same time we say they are the same! At least it would need to change what we understand for "being".

        I know a lot as well as it is shocking and painful for somebody that sincerely believes in Jesus' divinity to hear somebody to affirm that he could never be God, mainly knowing that that somebody there is little time it also believed.

        I mention religion examples but the same happened with more mundane things. The own current Science, in spite of its formidable accomplishments, doesn't pass of a religion way, full of dogmas and intolerance, which did a goddess of the reason and that sees itself as an omnipotent God.

        I also know that only because of that affirmative one, somebody will place me the idiot label or alienated and immediately will stop reading. But this is not important.

        At that time when I underwent that therapy and when at the same time I lived that mystic experience, for some weeks I noticed me something confused, as a newly born that began to discover the world. I could not notice the enormous difference that there were between the therapy and the mystic experience. The things made a mess. I didn't get to understand, for example, reason those therapists and some patient with who I had contact they didn't at least have its religious faiths shaky.

        It was necessary a time so the dust lowered and I could notice the enormous meaning of that simple experience that was processed amid dozens of another very significant experiences.

        It began to be very clear that the therapy was a wonderful instrument for the cure of diseases and that it could increase the quality of life and the happiness of living to unimaginable levels, at the same time I began to verify that that simple experience I had lived had a much deeper meaning and a thousand times wider than the own therapy. Actually it nothing has there to be with the therapy. It had happened during the therapeutic process but it could happen independent of it.

        And plus, the therapy was only within reach of who had time and money and of some few ones that got a free therapy while the experience could be within reach of who wanted. It could be an easy, fast and cheap way to change and to improve Humanity's destiny that seems to be walking inexorably for self-destruction.

        How much pretense! What not even Christ got with the help of millions of followers it will never be reached by a foolish mystic experience. If ours idolized Science did not show capable to solve the problem, before everything ends we will be capable to build super-potent rockets and we will move for another planet, they think some scientists. To do the same thing we do here, to also destroy it, I think.

        I began to see that the experience had many common points with the great Christian mystics' existences that ended up receiving the saints' label, with the "Buddhists' illumination", with the "Zen-Buddhists' Satori", with Samadhi, Ocean Experience and an amount more of names that modern researchers gave to similar experiences and that some few people only got after years and years of ascetic practices or of another types of long term training.

        The experience that lasted approximately half-hour happened spontaneously after some minutes of relaxing as it was done in the preparatory sessions for the therapy. It simply happened and I participated as if it was participating of a real event any, there was not any conscious intention.

        It was part of the training process, which it was guided by a recorded tape, to create a mental image of ourselves and to observe it descending and sweeping the steps of a stairway. When I created it in the first session I was already a little surprised because without wanting it was revealed plenty young, in spite of me to be 67 years old at the occasion. A common blond youth dressed with pants and quite simple shirt. I noticed me as that who was lied hearing the recording and seeing that young one sweeping the stairway and I also noticed me being the youth that swept the stairway. It seemed very natural. To proceed, leaving the image, we were guided to imagine a series of situations as to walk barefoot in the sands of a beach, to feel scents, to hear the noises of the waves and of the birds, to dive in the waves and to swim, to fly imagining to be a bird, etc. Simple imaginary exercises of feeling, to try to approach and to see as some other thing and of it to go away and later to return and to go up the same stairway. I met again my image to the foot of the stairway and side by side we went up the stairway.

        In the third session, when coming back I had a surprise, my image had changed. She was woman. Its physical appearance looked like my previous masculine image, but she had long blonde hair, breasts and woman's body. Its clothes were also simple, pant and blouse of slightly different colors. She had clear and big eyes, she was not particularly pretty, and she looked at for me calm and confident. At the same time that saw me as who observed her I noticed me being she also. Being her, through its eyes I saw that young that was also myself. It seemed quite natural me to be a man that looked at for a woman and to be also that same woman that looked at for a man. There was a mutual and confident attraction and I thought very natural going up the stairway side by side with my right arm on its shoulders to the same as I felt the touch of the arm on my own woman shoulders. At the top of the stairway we separated and I saw myself to continue walking alone.

        In the following session the image of myself that I saw was the one of that same woman, which went down sweeping the stairway. When coming back of the exercises I found her again to the foot of the stairway. As in the previous session we arose slowly hugged. The attraction became stronger and it became a great sexual excitement. In the middle of the stairway we were face to face and we hugged each other. I felt the total contact of our bodies through the clothes and of its hair slightly rough rubbing my face. Exciting and very pleasant sensations. We went up the stairway slowly again, the sexual excitement grew up and when arriving to the top we were both nude, sides to side. No word was pronounced, total silence. As before, it happened a fort and durable hug when we could feel our bodies touching in whole extension. It felt the force of a powerful love joining us. After some moments of mutual joy and pleasure, something very strange, almost impossible of describing, it happened. I saw the body of that woman that knew to love, which was myself that also knew to love that man, as that slowly becoming less solid, as that being rarefied, penetrating and dissolving in my man body. Suddenly I saw myself hugging the emptiness. Nothing else had to my front. I felt its body totally inside of mine. She didn't disappear, I noticed her inside of myself, and I felt perfectly her presence not just in the physical aspect but also in the mental aspect. Two authentic and complete people of opposite sexes that melted and became a different person. Its body was also my body, its thoughts were also my thoughts, and its feelings were also my feelings. There was a sensation of fullness, of joy, of peace and of harmony. At the same time everything seemed very natural, an event that was shown as something very common and possible, not disturbing or surprising.

        I noticed myself alone, of foot, nude, in a flat area there was at the top of the stairway as somebody that was seeing for the first time what it had seen in the previous times and when elevating the eyes I went as that obscured by a strong golden light of a type of sun equally gold. I could look at directly and confident for that wonderful light source that with its gold rays wrapped up and it seemed to emit everything of good and pleasant that can imagine. Any word that I can think to describe what came from that light seems very poor before the infinite wealth that from it emanated. I think to be simply impossible to try to describe what that light represented.

        I feel completely unable to describe precisely what happened in those moments because what we tell forms a sequence and it ends up giving the impression that the events were being happened one after the another. They were not, everything happened in one moment that seemed eternal. Everything happened at the same time.

        I noticed me as a luminous point hovering in space, out of my body, which looked at for the back a gold, brilliant and alive statue of arms raised in direction to the light. As a gold and brilliant point in the space that emitted a gold light I noticed me to be also the great gold light and the gold body that it also irradiated the same light. As somebody nude, of foot, gold and of erect arms I also noticed me to be that light. At the same time I was the sun, a luminous point and a human being, that it was noticed as an alone thing and also as three things that had to emit its own light in common equally gold.

        The session ended. I left the clinic seeming to float, without weight, sawing everything in a different way. The world to my circuit was the same, I was the same, but it seemed that I was other and the world was another. Nothing had moved and everything had moved.

        In the days that were proceeded, bestirred and a little confused I asked some that also underwent the therapy if something unusual it had happened to them. A pleasant experience, exciting, a lot of peace, I just followed the instructions, my stairway was of glass, I slept almost whole time and similar things. Nothing very extraordinary.

        I told what had lived and I asked the therapists what it was that. They gave me the impression of not to know what it was. One of them said: good! It will facilitate your therapy. Another said: the preparatory phase doesn't have therapeutic targets, it is just didacticism, a conditioning for the therapy, and this yes it is important. Certainly they didn't see any meaning in that type of experience because they were totally driven for the therapy, perhaps they saw it as simple fantasy of one of its many patients.

        In the days that were proceeded, after I finished the preparatory phase, I went by the therapy. Everything that had read in Renate's books was confirmed. I went completely cured of several psychological problems that had and of some I didn’t know to possess. Everybody linked to the existences of the time of my conception, gestation and birth and some that came from my ancestral ones.

        All the ones that make the therapy they are unanimous in living significant and unimaginable episodes that they drive to the cure of disturbances and mainly the contact with that light, that kind of wonderful sun, which the great majority interprets as presence of God or of the sacred. I lament that in the therapy those existences are rather fast due to the own therapeutic methodology. Very different from the long time I disposed to examine in details those existences.

        In therapy I lived other experience with the light that also deeply bestirred me. The therapist is limited to do questions that help to drive the patient to truly have access to important contents of its unconscious.

        In one of the sessions I had access to a scene where I saw my father in an armchair in a wide room reading the newspaper and at the same time I saw my mother close to the stove in the kitchen. Several times that scene appeared and the therapist not giving a lot of importance took me to seek other things. Until, due to my persistence, he accepted that I could examine it better. That finished revealing an event of extreme importance not only for me but because it reveals intriguing and unusual things on which I don't get tired to refer, for the polemics that can raise.

            In that scene I noticed me about a simple point floating in space. Of there I saw my father and also my mother, in spite of between her and me there were walls. My father called my mother and her releasing what was doing of him she approached. He showed to her a recipe of some food that he had found in the newspaper and wanted her to do. There was in him a clear scornful feeling on the foods that my mother used to do. That of the newspaper yes, it should be much better than the ones that she did. There was also a lot of rudeness in the way as he called her and later he spoke to her. I also noticed in my mother an annoyance feeling, she felt hurt for the rude way her husband treated her. It was very clear for me the hostility climate between them. She answered to him in a somehow rough way.

        On that moment I noticed the presence of a light, to my left and a little more to the high. At that moment I didn't noticed that it was similar to that light previously seen. I just had the sensation that myself had come from that light. A point close to it and by it illuminated. Starting from that moment I also noticed that the shining it turned more intense, involving my parents, as that illuminating them and also turning them brilliant. Immediately the atmosphere between them moved. My father got up, both of foot, face to face, eyes in the eyes. I noticed a lot of affection and tenderness clearly in my father's glance and a lot of understanding and tenderness in my mother's glance. I could feel perfectly, as if it was myself, the love that united them. The feelings of each one were my own feelings. I was one with both.

        To follow something a lot of stranger it happened. I noticed me as a point being in the same point of the space where I was. I saw both for back, already on the opposite side of the room, walking of hands given in direction to the room where they slept. I saw also something that knew as to be also myself, like a five point star of round extremities, transparent as gelatinous water that it had certain thickness, hugging them for the shoulders and as that driving them for the room.

        In therapy, everything that we see or what happens we are going telling to the therapist. Based on what he hears he is going asking new questions to turn more and more clear the meaning and the importance than we see or we feel.

        At the exact moment when I said that I was driving them for the room, the therapist asked: why? What for are you driving them?

        I noticed me telling, surprised for thinking that he didn't know, therefore it seemed so obvious, "well, so they can make what I need, my body!"

        Due to a problem of fittings of schedules my therapy began when they still lacked one or two preparatory sessions.

        In one of those when I had plenty of time for fantasy and meditation I decided to ask the wise person that showed me something of my own gestation. The wise person is an imaginary figure that supposedly knows the contents of the unconscious and that works as a psychological artifice to facilitate the access to the unconscious and the revelation of its contents.

        I saw myself about a point in the space in the room observing my parents in bed where they accomplished a sexual act. Surprised I lived that sexual act in all its development and with everything that was lived and felt, being alternatively my own father and my own mother. At the moments when indeed I was my father I lived genuinely as being me living what he lived. Exactly in the same way when I was my mother. It seemed quite natural, being me man to become a woman trying a sexual act. When I was being she I had its body, breasts, uterus, ovaries and vagina. I felt everything that she felt and I noticed me as being truly her.

        At the end, when both were side by side, tired and satisfied, I returned to see me as that same point in space that observed them, noticing the presence of that light now from where it emanated love, understanding and approval. That living light flooded the whole room. There was a widespread feeling of peace, harmony and of sacred. A sacred, pure and sublime moment without any connotation that sex is something that needs to be maintained occult.

        To proceed, as in a film in accelerated speed, I saw, I lived and I attended all the movements of the spermatozoon that it would give me origin in search of my ovum, its penetration and all my development from an embryo to a baby ready to be born. I revived all the moments of my birth, being myself that was born and being also my own mother that gave me to light. I felt as mine the pains of the contractions, the expulsion and the happiness of my mother when seeing me to be born. I have been keeping perfectly in the memory the fantastic moment when I left as a fish. I noticed in details the strange color of those black hands of the midwife that it received my body, the affection and the tenderness as received me and hugged me. To follow I noticed me sucking eagerly my mother's breast at the same time being my mother felt the happiness and the intense pleasure of breastfeeding, which is naturally hindered to men. The session finished and I could say, men cannot give to light but I gave!

        I made reference to some polemic points derived of those experiences.

        I make other parenthesis here to show how it is limited by its intolerant dogmas our dear Science. I ended at this moment of attending a program in television about dreams and soon after I retaken what was writing. Among other things there was reference to a journalist that it was submitted to a simple operation, it happened an accident and he entered in coma for many days. A long report of dreams was proceeded that he had while he was in coma that in certain way favored its recovery. The scientists that studied the case said that there was not explanation for the patient's fact to have told that while he was in coma he saw a doctor that had never known speaking to his wife near the bed and he reminded perfectly what the two said. What left them bestirred it was him to recognize the doctor that never had seen and they didn't have explanation of how that could have happened, therefore during the coma in any moment he had opened the eyes.

        Everyday patients that make the Tip therapy describe in details and color some people that could never have seen and scenes that could never had participated as developed human beings. In the same way the ones that do the Holotropic Breathing, the Mental Control, the Therapy of Last Lives, those that reveal the religious talent of Science and other similar therapies that I ignore and that certainly do exist.

        I believe like this to be now easier to speak on those polemic points.

        One of those polemic aspects is what came to call identification phenomenon. The certainty of whom lives a scene in an altered state of conscience of being something or somebody that sees. In a certain moment we became the other, some way we melt with the other and we start to live what he is living. That experience is so strong and significant that who makes T.V.P. swears that really lived the person's life that identified. We can feel and to live the life of an animal, of a vegetable, of a human being and till to try to be a stone.

        I ignore why we have that unconscious tendency of "being" something we see. Perhaps because we are the whole and the whole is in us, as affirms the Holographic Vision. Some time ago, in deep meditation, it happened of me to see me as a buffalo. I cannot affirm it was fruit of my imagination or if I really entered in mental contact with some buffalo. I was indeed an enormous and strong black buffalo conscious of its buffalo condition that looked at with certain pity for some close humans and that revealed a sublime interior dignity. From that day I started to respect and to understand better the animals.

        That identification need also showed me what wanted the great religious mystics to say when they say to have diluted in God, with Him they have melted. Perhaps they were seeing a Jesus' illustration wrapped up in that bright light that I made reference and with it they had identified, living per moments the divine life.

        Myself, in certain moments, I noticed me to be that light and in others of proceeding of that light. After all it is in our interior, we cannot know if it is something external to us that established a mental contact.

        Another polemic point is exactly that light. Thousands of people live its experience and each one describes it in different ways, but always as something infinitely good. It is almost always revealed in conception's moments and some patients reveal not to have stuck to the light, of it they fled or they stood back. Without exception in adult life these ones reveal serious mental or spiritual disturbances.

        The people that believe in God unanimously are sure that is the presence of God that is revealed like this. Many that don't believe in God start to believe. I don't know the opinion of any tough atheist but I am sure that living that experience certainly he will say that some good comes from that light and that will define it as a form any of unknown energy that there is in his interior.

        Personally I like to believe that there is an universal spirit of divine origin that permeates the universe, from where it proceeds our spiritual dimension, our soul as religious persons say, which shows in us under the light form with which we establish contact. Due to our identification tendency with it we can identify also.

        Another polemic aspect is that of seeing about a point hovering in space. I don't remember if Renate some time has referred to a point but she affirms the unanswerable existence of a somebody, which denominates "personal-self ", certainly spiritual, different from the body that will be conceived, which shows until hours before biological conception.

        Personally I lived certain experiences where noticed me to be a luminous point hovering in space to observe events. I preferred to denominate it "spiritual-self" because I think this says better what it should be, a spiritual being that is revealed as ourselves in previous moments of our biological conception, which is capable to see as if had eyes, to feel as it had feelings and to notice what feel or think the people with which it has contact. I also read several reports of people worthy of credit that had contacts with children still not conceived, in certain cases until one or two years, they had visions of the physical appearance they would have at 3 or 10 years of age even.

        I remember a case in particular because it remembers my own experience of a woman that noticed with a lot of intensity its son's presence that would be conceived in the relationship she was having with its husband and that observed them.

        A lot of explanations are proposed to deny the reality of the spiritual-self. The one that more gets to confuse is that of a supposed genetic cellular memory where the baby of some form could capture the parents' existences. I think to have no consistency because it would be impossible to the parents to see to both as the spiritual-self sees them, the minimum of an impossible position for them. If it could be like this then we could know many mothers' reports that when reviving moments when conceived children they told with extraordinary precision the physical behavior and all the thoughts and its sexual partner's feelings, what doesn't happen. A secondary fact that also contributes it is that the biological conception, the union of the sexual cells, it can happen up to 3 days after the sexual relationship.

        I said behind that would talk later about what I consider the great discovery of my life. I refer to what I deduced of that experience of an imaginary man and a woman coalition that gave it in an altered state of conscience.

        More than one month passed so that I convinced me that the experience was of great importance and nothing had there to be with the therapy. A private interior experience that demolished in one only blow all my faiths and that showed me that all the positive values idolized by Humanity didn't pass of illusory values arbitrarily established. I noticed that was possible to it to arrive independently of the therapy. It would be enough to reach a state of alteration of the conscience for a method any of relaxing and that coalition would be possible. After all it was what had happened to me.

        I decided then to more thoroughly study the subject. I always believed, as the immense majority, that men and women are completely different not only in their biological aspect, but in its psyche, in its behavior, in its way to think and to feel, finally in all the aspects not linked directly to its biology.

        This faith also falls down, except in what it refers to biological aspect because its bodies are genuinely different. Plus I could not accept that they could be different in other aspects, without knowing exactly why I thought like this.

        I just knew superficially the feminist claiming for what read in newspapers and some few references. I found unjust the way as most men treated the women but it was all.

        I remembered a book that had read there was more than twenty years and I finished finding it lost in a powdered shelf.

        It was " Eros and Religion " of Walter Schubart, a Viennese philosopher, dead at 2^nd Great War. A deep work and erudite about the origins and evolution of the multiple aspects that tie sexes and religions.

        I was very admired with the clarity and conciseness as he approached aspects of the modern feminist claiming, having died in the forties. Surprised I was when finding at the end of the book a very intriguing proposition that myself there had written, when reading it there was more than 20 years, of which didn't have the minimum memory.

        "The conflicts cease and the interior harmony has beginning when the man and the woman that exist in us are reconciled and they love each other".

        Nothing in the book referred to what I had written and I knew that at time was not aware that this could be made and much less how it could be done.

        I knew superficially the works of K.G.Jung, its theories on "individuation" and its ideas on the "anima" and the "animus".

        Therefore I noticed the relationship between the integration of the "anima" and the coalition experience that I had had. The only difference was that Jung's "anima" was a little gloomy and not nice and mine didn't have those aspects. It believed Jung that the integration would be beneficial but it had not established any practical process of accomplishing it.

        I sought books about feminism and nothing specifically found on the theme, except in one of them, of several authors, that it showed angles on the masculine side that reacted to the feminist conquests.

        After a transcription of the Greek myth of Athena's birth it affirmed one of the authors that "Athena represents the archetype of the "anima", the fantasy capacity and imagination that springs from masculine mind".

        Compulsively repeating what made its ancestral Zeus devours Metis, its pregnant lover, to avoid that of her would born a son that, according to the oracles, it would dethrone him. Later on, he suffers the pains of the childbirth revealed by strong headaches and of its head it comes to light Athena, the woman similar to the man that is born dressing armor and carrying a lance, prophesied by the oracles.

        Two things I thought significant in that myth.

        On one side, the attitude of the warrior splendidly developed by our masculine ancestral since they stopped being simple animals relatives to the monkeys for they turn to be the human beings that we knew, which is the great responsible for the masculine considered compulsion of to everything to impose and to dominate.

        It is easy to see the embryo of that warrior attitude in certain current animals where the strongest male, fights and it moves away the male competitors, which can be its own children, to maintain its condition of better reproducer for the species. It is symbolized by the act of devouring, which in psychological language it can mean to repress, to bury in the profundities of the unconscious.

        On another side, to devour its lover Metis can symbolize a man's coalition and a woman, of the masculine and of the feminine interiors, which will propitiate the fantastic woman's birth, a woman similar to a man. Athena comes revealing as a warrior but just woman, which comes from the head of Zeus, which detests violence, the insolence and the injustice. She was called "The mind of God" and was considered the goddess of intelligent prudence. A special woman that leaves from a man's head.

        A similar myth, Eve's birth, is revealed by the Bible. A woman that is born of a man, Adam.

        Adam's situation, which symbolizes all the men, the humanity in certain old level of its evolution, it is revealed as unsatisfactory. God infuses a deep rest in Adam, of him it removes a rib and Eve is born. An extraordinary woman is also born of a man, not of its head as Zeus, but a woman born from a man. Own Adam when he sees her exclaims surprised: "this yes it is bone of my bones", noticing its great difference with all the animals that God had presented him so he could find among them that that would truly be a help to him, among them certainly all the women that he already knew. Soon after, seeming completely out of the context, there is an intriguing sentence: "That a man abandons its father and its mother, does he join to its wife and they will be an alone flesh". How to speak in parents in one moment when did they still seems not to exist? What does mean to abandon them?

        I think there is a deep psychological meaning that partially implied in Eve's birth.

        For "he abandons its father and its mother" I understand to leave of identifying with the masculine images and feminine interiors that we was taught identifying. For "he joins to its wife " I understand to melt with the internal woman that repressed. For "they will be an alone flesh" I understand that a new creature will be born, exempt of the opposite man-woman's interior conflicts.

        Later on I found a description of the Greek myth of Hermaphroditus.

        He was born boy and the Naiads nursed him. When completed 15 years he decided to travel and to know unknown lands. Somewhere he found a lake of crystalline waters.

        There lived a Naiad named Salmatia that preferred to pick flowers instead of being seen in the group of hunt of Artemis. When seeing Hermaphroditus immediately for him she fell in love and soon she declared its love but he nothing wanted with her. Salmatia accepted its rejection and stood back.

        Therefore then, supposing to be alone he dove in the lake and he began to swim. Salmatia appeared on the waters, she held him strongly, she hugged him and she robbed him kisses and the more he wanted to escape the more she seized him.

        At the same time she begged to the gods that never allowed its separation and the gods, hearing its prayer, they melted its two bodies in one.

        Of that day in before they were not more two people, neither more it could call them man nor woman and they didn't seem also to be one neither two.

        The likeness of the psychological interpretation of that myth with the one of Eve's birth, Athena’s birth and with the mystic experience that I lived it is impressive.

        A boy of adventurous spirit leaves in search of the unknown. Somebody in a certain way unsatisfied, which leaves in search of him. "It is not good that the man is alone, I will make an assistant that corresponds him", God says in Bible.

        He finds a lake, well-known symbol of the unconscious. Adam is placed to sleep. A relaxing drives to a conscience alteration that takes to the access to the unconscious contents.

        There finds a young woman that loves him, he rejects her and she stands back. The feminine considered interior pulses are strongly rejected by men. Like this the "anima" has been built. The men are workout since they are born like this to proceed under penalty of they doesn’t become true men. My first encounter with the interior woman was in certain way indifferent, there was not clear rejection but there also was not full acceptance.

        Feeling solitarian he is impelled to dive in the waters and she appears, seizing him and asking to the gods that don't allow separating. Her careful intelligence impels her to join and with the help of the gods she gets that the union become durable. It is undeniable the presence of the sacred, the divinity in mystic experience. In my case that intelligence was represented by the placid attitude and safe revealed by my image of the "anima" and the sacred presence for the marvelous light that seemed to influence to everything.

        The result is a new creature's birth, neither man nor woman, two that are melted and they become one, a new one integrated being, free from conflicts, because they don't seem two, an alone flesh in biblical terms.

        Reflecting in the fact of that coalition to have happened to me and ignoring that it can have happened to other, I wondered: why to me? After all I am a person any in anything different from the other ones. Reason Jung says that anima's integration is positive and desirable and why didn't him, a formidable psychologist and thinker, discovered a way of reaching it? Why the Greek myth and the biblical myth make a woman to be born of a man, the "anima', since it is known that the woman only gives to light naturally? Reason the biblical myth suggests the union of the two makes to be born a new integrated creature, an alone flesh?

        Did I get to think that unconsciously I carried a tied up tendency to that coalition, why there was after all me written that sentence at the end of the book where reconciliation it could mean coalition? The question, why to me? It continued without answer.

        The only supposition that I get to imagine is that the coalition already has been reach for many people through the times. It should totally be processed in an unconscious way, provoked spontaneously by something that I ignore. The people as that reborn they should notice that everything moved in them but they are not capable to explain reason. If for any reason the coalition has processed in a conscious way those people they didn't worry to tell or to write on the event. Or I have not notices on this.

        The fact is that the integration of the "anima" it is possible, desirable and it should be constituted in the only efficient way of transforming man so he can build a new Humanity.

        For man it should only understand the male, the human being of masculine sex? Absolutely not. The women need also, they can and they should go by the same process of integration of the animus so they can also have transformed women that together with its companions men became able to build a new Humanity.

        After all, what are "anima'" and "animus" anything else than unconscious contents that were repressed, symbolized by a woman image and a man image? Through generations the men were taught to live a series of roles arbitrarily considered exclusive of the male and to repress another series of roles arbitrarily considered of the female. For the woman it is exactly the opposite.

        It was born like this in man an inward woman and in woman an inward man. The strong warrior attitude and man's ruler did so he also extended its tendency of dominating to the own woman and this, for being impossible the total repression of its own tendencies to war and to dominate, she reacted, being unchained like this the millenary war of the sexes. The natural consequence is that an identical war of the sexes is also processed in each individual; in man its inward woman fights the external man, or better, the conscious man enters in conflict with its unconscious woman. For the woman it is the opposite.

        Like this, starting in remote times of the strongest male's animal need to dominate the weakest being chosen the best reproducer that would better assure the survival of the group and of the species, we arrived nowadays producing men and women inwardly divided, submitted to intense interior and external conflicts that took them to build a Humanity that walks inexorably for self-destruction.

        Trying to live false roles of men and women, for the repression than it was falsely exclusively considered masculine or feminine roles we turned the mutilated human beings or truly crippled ones we are.

        A woman that tries to repress its natural potentiality to dominate, to attack or to submit is being self-mutilated and a man that tries to repress its natural potentiality to welcome, of to have and to express feelings or to submit is in the same way self-mutilating.

        I think that the feminist movements, which already have almost a century of activities, totally ineffective in woman's supposed liberation, they are just a strong indicative sign that Humanity can be beginning to give its first steps for its total liberation for revealing that the women can make everything that the men do and the men everything that the women do, except surely what is specifically biological. In spite of scientists to be always seeking genes or cerebral differences that justify its different behavior.

        It doesn't matter what they can find; they will be evolutionary crumbs provoked by thousands of years trying to do different things.

        Men and women eternally living interior and external conflicts can never be free, they can never know what freedom is, the total freedom, the true freedom. The freedom to be just human beings of different sexes mutually attracted.

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